Tuesday, April 28, 2009
The Smear Campaign
I guess the first question to you the reader is what is a “smear campaign”?
In many ways it’s a campaign to win others to see and know only what the abusers wants other people to know. To take focus off of the abuser and then place on it on the abused shoulders. In short these smear campaigns are nothing more then yet another projection from the abuser but only this time is given to outsiders. It gives others the reasons the abuser is really (as they want you to believe the victim). These campaigns shift blame and accountability away from the abuser unto the target source.
The type of smear campaign are modify to fit the target (victim) but the theme is always to show how the campaigner was abused lie too and victimized but it’s modified as well to that person and/or group to achieve whatever goal the campaign has in mind. An example would be if this smear campaign were told to the next “soulmate” (victim) they (the abuser) would try to achieve two goals. One to make the victim the abuser, which is why they had to leave and/or were, told to leave. The campaigner will tell his/her next victim that they are lying when in fact it was them that lied. The victim is a manipulator and/or “control freak”. The victim was unavailable emotionally and is a heartless person. The victim was physically abusive to them. Second, the next lover (victim) will be seasoned on a more emotional level setting her/him up for what I call the “pity play” role. This type of smear campaign also works on family members and close friends that would be if they have any.
But if the abuser was to sell this smear campaign to an outsider like a church members or co-workers the campaign would focus more on achieving winning that person and/or group and getting them on their side of this debate. They might focus more on personal themes like alcoholisms drug abuse and/or moral issues. But remember the goal is to minimize the accountability of the abuser and then shift blame more on the creditability of the victim. The smear campaign is to destroy the creditability of the victim. The abuser during the smear campaign must maintain this theme.
What is most interesting is that the abuser’s campaign is really telling others (projections) what they did and have done to the victim and sometimes for years and knows that after they have left or was ordered to end the relationship (divorce) that the victim will start talking. What the victim had for years keep within his/her self is exposure to others too help the true victims(s) to understand and then hopefully too start to heal. Therefore they (abusers) must get the first attack and will start to set up the campaign to conceal what they themselves have done so if one see the campaign for what it really is. Then one can understand that one-day you too might have this type of smear campaign done to and against you and/or those that are closest and dearest to you. A smear campaign might start after the relationship dissolves but most starts months or years before the relationship dissolves. A smear campaign itself is a source of narcissistic supply for the campaigner. A smear campaign will have out right lies but most are truth/lies twisted to once again shift both blame and accountability off the abuser while destroying any creditability from the victim.
So really each of us would have their own story concerning which smear campaign was used on them.
My smear campaign:
Interesting that a past “smear campaign” told to you early in a new relationship is it’s self a “red flag”. Remember that you too were once seasoned for a “pity play” by your now accuser and abuser. Once you too were told how abuse and violence plagued their last relationship. Remember that past smear campaigns are in fact a window to look into to what will someday happen to you....
I remember how my ex s/p told me how her last husband physically abused her. How he would steal all her money and use it for his drugs. How much he cheated on her. How he once tried to drive his car into a tree so that both of them would die and how she escaped by jumping from the car before it hit the tree. How her ex would lay on top of her chest forcing her down and then took a lit cigarettes and threaten to burn her. How her ex would manipulate and lie to her. Because Dorothy Chambers is a pathological liar how much or if any of this is true I will never really know. I don’t know what happen between them but I do know what happen with us.
So one day I woke up and become that ex. That unfeeling uncaring non supported abusive monster.
After my ex s/p left some information started to come back to me. I soon learned how she told her family and her next partner (victim/partner in crime?) that I physically abuse her. What was interesting is how she used one of her jobs as proof as the alleged abuse. Let me explain.
She worked at FedEx in the receiving and shipping department, which unloaded incoming trucks and then would through serials of tracks process the shipments to the outgoing trucks. My ex explained how many times they had to use their own strength and bodies to stop the merchandise coming down these “tracks” and would get bruised in the process. After starting her job I notice how she would come home covered in bruises. One time when my sister was visiting us, I made a joke about her physical condition telling them both how “people will think I am beating you with all those bruises on her”. Of course at that time we all had a good laugh about it but I am not laughing now! I told Dorothy Chambers many times how I hated her job and the way she came home with all these injuries on her. Dorothy Chambers did in fact quit this job. But not before she used my little joke and her position at FedEx to use it as a smear campaign against me. Anyway, like her ex husband, I too physically abused her. The only problem is that I have proof this never happened unlike her ex.
Another comment that I heard about (i.e. smear) that was used against me was my drinking and how I was an alcoholic. Now to be as honest as I can, I did drink a lot when I lived with Dorothy Chambers. But what surprised me even more was how my heavy drinking stopped after she left. I see now how I was self-medicating myself through alcohol. This only shows me how much damage we can do to ourselves whenever we are involve with a toxic person and in a toxic relationship. Whenever one is involved in a dysfunctional relationship we might and/or will do things that may not be normal and/or healthy. Her ex husband used drugs and by her statement an drug addict. I drank and therefore by her statements an alcoholic. This is how they will use any character flaw no matter how small and blow it up to show whoever will listen just what a “bad” person you are.
Yet another smear was my ability to support my family. Again untrue for I maintain full time employment and because of my education was paid a good income. But my ex s/p only worked part-time in our 17 years together when and if she worked at all. Also her education was more limited and made less money.
Of course there are more no doubt and some I know I will never know about unless it gets back to me through the grapevine somehow. One of the drawbacks with total NC (No contact).
A smear campaign is nothing less then misdirection telling others don’t look at what I am doing instead look at what they did. They may admit some fault in the relationship(s) but if one looks closer the sincerity is short lived and/or shallow at best.
A smear campaign is also just another form of projection but it’s projected on whoever will listen and not on you.
Can anyone protect themselves against a smear campaign?
The answer is no because the campaign and campaigner will twist facts with both lies and truth and most victims never learn about the campaign until after the abuser has left or was told to leave.
If the victim tries to warn the next victim (partner/lover) then the abuser will use his/her campaign already in full force to again prove how unstable and abusive the victim is. Which is why many of us warn the victim that to do so might backfire and will do more damage to them while simultaneously confirming what the abuser has campaigned all along that you are unstable abusive and are just telling lies about them.