The Greatest Truth Never Told

There are only two types of people in this world. Those who want to be left alone and Those who refuse to leave you alone. Those that live grace and those that only seek to dominate. Those that don't leave you alone are hurt people, who are from this competitive world and have become like their abusers. Who only want an eye for an eye. They seek to pleasure themselves, but also for others Too please them too. They seek admiration, that they can not find within themselves. They seek to be loved, for they can not love themselves. They force relationships based on money and manipulation, because this is all they know. They seek to dominate others because they can not hold on to others. They do not know of grace and love, so they seek to destroy, that which they can't understand. Destruction is far easier for them, then to look at themselves change or addressing a past hurt.

Remember they are nothing but Cowards.

One continues behavior I have witness throughout my experience with toxic dysfunctional people ( i.e. Personality Disorders) is they are cowards. I believe most if not all those involved with a TDP (Toxic Dysfunctional Person) will also bear witness to this behavior albeit a business or personal relationship. Remember readers, like cowards TDP are very good at hiding their true self so one must really look hard and with a open mind whenever one gets involved with one. A coward will always scarifies others to save their own skin so if one is involved with a TDP, get out as quickly as possible…

Much like a vampire TDP too fear the light of truth. And also like a coward will run hide and deny the truth and sometimes to their own death. But we should remember that these people aren’t monsters to fear but people who suffer from a personality disorder. Anyway, behind their mask one will find the coward hiding much like a child afraid of the dark. In fact many relate to just how immature and child like their actions can be if one was to confront and/or challenge them at anytime throughout the relationship. If challenged we see tears or rage or both. But what one really wants to look for is just how immature and out of control these behavior patterns are. Also to remember is that the tears are always for themselves but the rage is always directed at you. So to them you are the cause for their tears and the source of their rage. Remember like a true coward their best defense if a good offense. If one challenges a coward like maybe their character or behavior, they will in turn challenge your character or behavior. TPD will always do the same.

This cowardice will be displayed throughout custodians cases. Acting and wanting the court system to see them as victims and the abused parent, fighting the good fight for their children. Sad but true is too often lawyers judges and the court system is all but to happy to bestow them that. Also they want their own children to see them as the victim as well. Hiding the truth how they are in fact the abusers. This cowardice is displayed to family and friends as well. Again displaying themselves as the victim. And like a coward they are very good at this display of victim-hood having done and displayed this behavior pattern over and over again to gain whatever it is they want. To a coward the ends always justifies the means. In war time soldiers (cowards) have been know to injury themselves to get out of fighting knowing they will be sent back to a service hospital. TDP themselves have also been know to threaten and/or injury themselves to get sympathy from family and/or friends. For more information on this, I suggest reading more on Munchausen syndrome. Yet another personality trait for those that suffer from a personality disorder. Those that kill themselves are view by society as cowards, so the saying goes “he/she took the cowardly way out”. TPD ( i.e. Borderline Personality Disorder) are best know for this type of cowardly behavior.

Abusers do all their dirty work behind closes doors and away from public sight. Much like the coward does. They feel more comfortable attacking one behind their backs then to face them. Cowards can only gain respect by tearing down others, again much like a TDP. Cowards can’t be believed and their words are worthless knowing they will say anything to get them out of trouble or to gain something they want. Much like a TDP will. Lying is just a tool for them and will use it whenever they please. Coward hide behind a false mask, again much like TDP would. If ever their world starts to fall apart, just watch these cowards run and hide. Man, if it wasn’t so sad it would indeed be funny. But it’s their cowardly behavior that does so much damage and heartache to the real victims.

Readers here is a test, just think about a cowardly behavior then think about your ex. Was this behavior ever display by him/her? I myself have done this test before about my ex and again and again I see just how much of a coward she has always been. Cowards in the end never get what they want also much like a TDP won‘t…

I remember a old saying:

“A coward dies a thousand deaths, a brave person dies but once”

How true, oh how very true….

So readers, whenever you think they (TDP) have the upper hand over you, remember just how much of a coward and child like (immature) they really are! So in ending just like a coward these TDP are nothing less then losers users and abusers. Showing us over and over again the true colors and behavior of a Coward…


The Wikipedia defines Cowardice as:

“Cowardice is the perceived failure to demonstrate sufficient robustness and courage in the face of a challenge. Under many military codes of justice, cowardice in the face of combat is a crime punishable by death (cf. shot at dawn). The term describes a personality trait which is viewed as a negative characteristic and has been shunned and disdained (see norms) within most, if not all cultures, while courage, typically viewed as its direct opposite, is generally rewarded and encouraged.

Cowards are usually seen to have avoided or refused to engage in a confrontation or struggle which has been deemed good or righteous by the wider culture in which they live. On a more mundane level, the label may be applied to those who are regarded as too frightened or overwhelmed to defend their rights or those of others from aggressors in their lives.

Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coward


One thing about this definition by Wikipedia is how it calls it a “personality trait”. So that in so much as to whenever I refer to a TDP, I am referring to a person who suffers from a personality disorder. So we do come to the conclusion that a coward and those who suffer from a Personality Disorder do share this type of personality trait.

So in ending readers, again I like to remind you that if ever you feel they have the upper hand and power over you. Please remember that it’s only temporary for cowards are cowards until the ending of their long sad days…..

But the remembrance and songs of our heroes will be sung until the ending of mankind and his and hers children's children..

Boundary Dissolution - Dimensions Of Boundary Dissolution

Boundary Dissolution - Dimensions Of Boundary Dissolution

Enmeshment. At the extreme of boundary dissolution is enmeshment, a lack of acknowledgment of the separateness between the self and other. Minuchin (1974) described the enmeshed family as one in which family members are overly involved with and reactive to one another, such that "a sneeze brings on a flurry of handkerchief offers." On the positive side, such families may provide feelings of mutuality, belonging, and emotional support. However, at the extreme, enmeshment interferes with the child's development of autonomy and individual agency. Changes in one family member quickly reverberate throughout the entire family system and may be perceived as threats to the family togetherness. For example, adolescence may precipitate a crisis when a young person begins to assert his or her own independence, such as by expressing the desire to go away for college (Kerig, in press-a). In psychodynamic theory enmeshment is the initial state of being from which all children must wrest their sense of individual selfhood. According to separation-individual theory (Mahler, Pine, and Bergman 1975), infants originally experience themselves as part of a symbiotic relationship with their mothers. Over the course of infant development, inevitable failures in perfect empathy and wish-fulfillment help children to recognize that their mother is a separate individual with her own thoughts and feelings. However, in pathological development, emotionally deprived mothers may feel threatened by the infant's emergent sense of individuality and act in ways so as to promote and prolong this sense of parent-infant oneness. The consequences to the child can be severe, interfering with the ability to forge and assert a separate sense of identity. For example, enmeshment in the parent-child relationship is believed to be central to the development of borderline personality disorder, a syndrome characterized by the inability to preserve a cohesive sense of self and to maintain emotional boundaries between the self and other (Pine 1979). At a lesser extreme, childhood enmeshment predicts young adults' attachment insecurity and preoccupation with their families of origin (Allen and Hauser 1996).

Intrusiveness. Intrusiveness, also termed psychological control, is characterized by overly controlling and coercive parenting that intrudes into the child's thoughts and emotions and is not respectful of the autonomy of the child (Barber 1996). Whereas enmeshment is characterized by a seamless equality ("we feel alike"), the intrusive relationship is a hierarchical one in which the parent attempts to direct the child's inner life ("you feel as I say"). Psychological control may be carried out in ways that are more subtle than overt behavioral control. Rather than telling the child directly what to do or think, the parent may use indirect hints and respond with guilt induction or withdrawal of love if the child refuses to comply. In short, a psychologically controlling parent strives to manipulate the child's thoughts and feelings in such a way that the child's psyche will conform to the parent's wishes.

Longitudinal data show that infants of intrusive mothers later demonstrate problems in academic, social, behavioral, and emotional adjustment in first and second grades (Egeland, Pianta, and O'Brien 1993). Psychological control also is predictive of anxiety and depression in children (see Barber 2002) and of delinquency, particularly in African-American youth (Walker-Barnes and Mason 2001).

Role-reversal. Role-reversal, also termed parentification, refers to a dynamic in which parents turn to children for emotional support (Boszormenyi-Nagy and Spark 1973; Jurkovic 1997). Although learning to be responsive and empathic to others' needs is a healthy part of child development, parentification involves an exploitative relationship in which the parents' expectations exceed the child's capacities, the parent ignores the child's developmental needs, or the parent expects nurturance but does not give it reciprocally (Chase 1999). A parent engaged in role-reversal may be ostensibly warm and solicitous to the child, but the relationship is not a truly supportive one because the parents' emotional needs are being met at the expense of the child's. Further, children are often unable to meet these developmentally inappropriate expectations, which may lead to frustration, disappointment, and even anger (Zeanah and Klitzke 1991). In fact, parents' inappropriate expectations for children, such that they provide nurturing to their parents, are a key predictor of child maltreatment (Azar 1997).

Research shows that, over the course of childhood, young children who fulfill their parents' need for intimacy have difficulty regulating their behavior and emotions (Carlson, Jacobvitz, and Sroufe 1995) and demonstrate a pseudomature, emotionally constricted interpersonal style ( Johnston 1990). In the longer term, childhood role reversal is associated with difficulties in young adults' ability to individuate from their families (Fullinwider-Bush and Jacobvitz 1993) and adjust to college (Chase, Deming, and Wells 1998).

Parent-child role reversal also is associated with depression, low-self esteem, anxiety (Jacobvitz and Bush 1996), and eating disorders (Rowa, Kerig, and Geller 2001) in young women. Due to cultural expectations that associate caregiving with the feminine role, daughters may be particularly vulnerable to being pulled into the role of "mother's little helper" (Brody 1996; Chodorow 1978). Consistent with family systems theory (Minuchin 1974), boundary violations also are more likely to occur when the marital relationship is an unhappy one and the parent turns to the child for fulfillment of unmet emotional needs (Fish, Belsky, and Youngblade 1991; Jacobvitz and Bush 1996).

Role-reversal may take different forms, depending on the role the child is asked to play. Parents might behave in a child-like way, turning to the child to act as a parenting figure, termed parentification or child-as-parent (Walsh 1979; Goglia et al. 1992); or they may relate to the child as a peer, confidante, or friend (Brown and Kerig 1998), which might be termed adultification or child-as-peer. Although providing a parent with friendship, emotional intimacy, and companionship ultimately interferes with the child's individuation and social development outside the home, the negative implications of a peer-like parent-child relationship may be less severe than a complete reversal of roles in which the parent relinquishes all caregiving responsibilities.

Role reversal can also occur between adults, such as when an adult turns to the spouse to act as a parent, seeking guidance and care instead of a mutually autonomous relationship, termed spouse-as-parent (Boszormenyi-Nagy and Spark 1973; Chase 1999). Another form of role reversal occurs when the parent behaves in a seductive manner toward the child, placing the child not in the role of parent or peer, but of romantic partner. Spousification. Of particular concern to Minuchin (1974) was the blurring of the boundary between the marital and child subsystem, which can lead children to become inappropriately involved in their parents' marital problems. This may take the form of a compensatory closeness between an unhappily married parent and a child of the other sex, termed spousification (Sroufe and Ward 1980) or child-as-mate (Walsh 1979; Goglia et al. 1992). Although spousification is often considered to be a form of role-reversal, it is distinguished by the fact that the parent is seeking a special kind of intimacy—perhaps even including sexual gratification (Jacobvitz, Riggs, and Johnson 1999). For example, Sroufe and colleagues (1985) found that emotionally troubled mothers, many of whom were survivors of incest, engaged in seductive behaviors with their young sons while responding in a hostile way toward daughters. However, the relationship between spousification and gender may be more complex.

When marital conflict spills over onto parent-child relationships it also may take a hostile form, termed negative spousification or spillover (Kerig, Cowan, and Cowan 1993). Spillover of marital tensions may cause a parent to view a child in the same negative terms as the spouse, thus blurring the boundaries between them (e.g., "You sound just like your father"; "You're your mother's daughter, aren't you?") (Kerig, in press-b). Research has shown that maternal stress and depression increase the risk of negative spousification that, in turn, predicts anxiety and depression in school-age children (Brown and Kerig 1998).

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Boundary Dissolution - Dimensions Of Boundary Dissolution