Friday, May 22, 2009

No Contact Please

We are now almost at the end of this blog. If you read the beginning part of this blog you will know that all this started in May 22, 2006. It’s now May 22, 2009.

We started NC around the end of July or the beginning of August of the year 2006. First for those that don’t understand the concept of No Contact I would like to give you some information of this concept.

No contact:

What is NC? The concept is to cut off all physical contact with that person. For some of us this is not possible for those with children of tender years and sometimes other then this it still may be almost impossible but one can still limit to a great degree the amount of contact you have with these toxic dysfunctional people in your life.

The personality disorder person see this concept as a type of revenge but that couldn’t be further from the truth. NC is for the victim only and has nothing to do with the abuser. We go NC for many reasons and in many different ways depending on the person in question. We go NC for survivor and to heal. We come to a understanding that this toxic dysfunctional relationship is harmful and dangerous to our well being our minds and our souls. Only through NC do we get the time to stop the emotional roller coaster ride once and for all we have been on and sometimes for years. NC screams “stop the ride because I want off!!!”.

When I stated “physical contact” I mean just that. No phone calls letters (text) no physical contact in anyway. By going NC we get the chance to clean out all these toxic emotional turmoil we had in our minds and physical body. Many are addicted to this abusive lifestyle much like a alcoholic would be for alcohol. There was something wrong with us or should I say inside of us.

Some attract these type of toxic dysfunctional relationships because of our upbringing by our parents or caretakers. We need time to understand this and then do whatever possible to correct this way of thinking and feeling. NC allows this to happen over many years. NC allow the person(s) to once again discover who they are and not what was projected on them by the abuser.

You were told you are worthless
You were told you are unlovable
You were told no one will love you
You were told you are stupid
You were told you not good enough
You were told many negative words and statements
All are untrue and was projection and given to you by your abuser.

We need time to undo all those lies and projections again NC allow this to happen over time.

Many times after the toxic dysfunctional relationship ended and because you invested so much of you into this toxic dysfunctional relationship many don’t even know who they are. In many ways NC allow us to know that person who existed before all the abusive damage was done. Many come away broken and need to mend. This can only be done away from the abuser.

How long should NC (if possible) last? Well if one is dealing with a sociopath, I would say for the rest of your life. But if this isn’t possible and sometimes for those with children it isn’t then distance from your abuser is what you need now. The more miles between the abuser and you is what we need. But after our children grow and start to see that damage the abuser causes they too will decide if NC is for them as well. But if your children are already at a age were they too have experienced the abuse and understand why NC is so very important then complete no contact can be introduce and started. Again NC has nothing whatsoever to do with the abuser, no it’s for the victim who is now becoming the survivors.

So to my personal abuser this is all my children and I want to say to you.

Listen to the song by Lily Allen because it really says it all and yes please don’t stay in touch.

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